마음의 걱정과 몸에 대해
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마음의 걱정과 몸에 대해
  • 원선일 예비원무
  • 승인 2020.06.10 09:40
  • 호수 1173
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원불교 마음챙김6

저는 다시 몸에게 아침에 가장 우선순위는

두렷한 마음을 가지고 몸을 이완시키는 것에

전념하는 것이라고 가르치고 있습니다.

그리고 바쁜 하루를 보낸 날에는,

저 자신을 안정시키고 잠자기 전 제 몸에게

이제는 휴식할 시간이라고 말하고 있습니다.

이것이 곧 제 무시선 수행의 일부분입니다.

이번 호는 우리 몸의 소리에 귀 기울이는 것의 중요성에 대해 몇 가지 이야기 하고자 합니다. 세계적 유행병과 그로 인한 경제적, 사회적 불확실성으로 어려운 이 시기에, 약간의 불안감을 경험한다는 것은 당연합니다. 이러한 불안은 몸과 마음이라는 두 가지 차원에서 느낄 수 있습니다. 먼저 이번 호는 몸의 수준에서 느껴지는 불안감에 대해 이야기하고, 다음 달에는 마음 속에서 느끼는 불안감에 대해 이야기 하고자 합니다.

우리가 무시선을 실천하고 싶다면, 몸과 마음 둘 다 살필 필요가 있습니다. 우리가 쉬고 있을 때는 마음에 집중하는 경향이 있지만, 일상 생활에서 일을 하고 있을 때는 몸과 마음 둘 사이에서 일어나는 현상들을 기억하는 것이 중요합니다.

대부분, 우리는 일상의 가장 기본적인 일들-이를 닦거나 외출 준비를 위해 단장하거나 혹은 배가 고프거나 지치거나 피곤할 때-을 챙길 때 유일하게 우리 몸을 의식하게 됩니다. 때때로 우리는 아프거나 통증이 있을 때 우리 몸에 더 집중하기도 합니다. 

예를 들면, 컴퓨터 앞에서 일하는 시간이 너무 많기 때문에 허리와 어깨가 아플 때가 많습니다. 그럴 때는 운동을 좀 하고 일을 할 때 바른 자세를 취하려고 하지만, 통증이 사라지면 그런 생각이 더 이상 없어지고, 다시 좋은 자세를 취하는 것을 자주 잊어버리곤 합니다. 그래서, 저의 무시선 수행의 일부는 자세를 살피려고 노력하는 것이고, 몸이 건강하게 유지되도록 돌봐서 건강한 마음으로 이끄는 것입니다. 

최근에, 저는 몸과 마음이 얼마나 서로 깊이 연결되어 있는 지를 다시 한 번 확인하는 체험을 했습니다. 저는 주로 논문이나 책을 쓰는 일 혹은 학생들이 쓴 논문의 초안이나 과제를 읽는 일을 거의 매일 하고 있는데 그러다 보면 제 일이 결코 끝나지 않을 것처럼 느껴집니다. 

제 일은 주말이나 휴일에 맞춰 끝내지 못하는 경우가 많아, 집에서 몸과 마음을 충분히 이완하여 편하게 쉬어야 할 시간에도 집에서 많은 일을 하는 것이 습관이 되었습니다. 그리고 봉쇄령도 있었기에, 요즘은 집에서 거의 매일 일을 하게 됐는데, 언제 휴식을 취해야 하고 언제 일을 해야 하는지 몸에서 더 이상 신호가 느껴지지 않았습니다. 다시 말해, 제 집이 사무실로 느껴지기 시작하면서 더 이상 쉼터로써의 역할을 못하게 된 겁니다.

그 외에도, 코로나바이러스와 관련된 업데이트 소식을 자주 접하고 있었는데, 그 소식들이 저를 조금씩 불안하게 만들기 시작했습니다. 사실 정신적으로 그다지 긴장감을 느끼지 못했지만 불안은 제 몸 속에 있었던 겁니다. 하루 중 대부분은 심장 박동수가 높아져 불안했습니다. 

시간이 지나고 나서야 내가 무엇을 잘못하고 있는지 깨달았습니다. 늦은 밤 화상 회의를 자주 하면서 정해진 시간에 일을 하지 않으니, 제 몸은 더 이상 일하는 시간인지 쉬는 시간인지 분간하지 못하게 됐습니다. 또한 잠들기 직전에 뉴스를 실시간으로 확인하는 실수를 계속 범하고 있었는데, 이런 것들이 잠들기 전 편안한 마음을 주지 못했습니다.

시차 때문에 뉴질랜드 사람들이 자고 있을 때, 전 세계에서 많은 일이 일어나기에, 제가 잠에서 깰 때쯤엔 많은 뉴스가 보고되곤 합니다. 그래서인지, 저는 아침 선 전에 뉴스를 확인하고 싶은 유혹을 느낍니다. 다른 말로 하면, 제 몸은 낮이고 밤이고 심지어 잠자는 동안에도 종종 깨어있는 상태였습니다.

이러한 제 실수를 알아차렸을 때, 저는 재빨리 아침 선을 최우선 순위로 두는 습관을 만들었습니다. 우리의 몸은 단순한 연관성을 통해 일을 합니다. 우리가 자주 뭔가를 할 때, 우리의 몸은 예상하고 그에 따라 반응을 보입니다. 보통 우리가 일어나기 약 한 시간 전에, 우리 몸은 하루를 준비하기 위한 스트레스 호르몬을 배설합니다. 이것은 종종 몸이 예상하고 있는 바탕에서 주로 나타나는 것이지요.

예를 들면, 늦잠을 자서는 안될 중요한 일이 다음 날에 있을 때 우리 몸은 종종 알람 시계가 울리기도 전에 깨어납니다. 제 몸은 아침부터 긴장하는 것에 익숙해졌고 그리고 나서 하루의 시작부터 스트레스를 받으며 일어납니다. 이것이 선을 최우선으로 하는 중요한 이유입니다.

저는 지금 다시 아침에 일어나서 하는 첫번째 일은 맑은 마음을 가지고 몸을 이완시키는 것에 전념해야 한다는 것을 제 몸에게 가르치고 있습니다. 그리고 바쁜 하루를 보낸 후에는, 자기 전에 마음을 가라앉히고 제 몸에게 이제는 쉴 때라고 말합니다. 이것이 제 무시선-언제 휴식을 취해야 하고 언제 행동을 취해야 하는지를 기억하는 것-수행의 일부분입니다.

번역/ 황상원 교무, 오클랜드교당

원선일(크리스 크레겔로)오클랜드교당예비원무
원선일(크리스 크레겔로)오클랜드교당예비원무

 

(영어 원문)

Anxiety and the body 
 
In this month’s article, I would like to say a few things about the importance of listening to our body. During these difficult times of the pandemic and the resulting economic and social uncertainty, it is not unexpected to be experiencing some anxiety. Such anxiety can be felt at two levels – the body and mind. This time, I would like to talk about anxiety felt at the level of the body, and the month after, I will talk about anxiety felt in the mind.

If we want to practice timeless Zen (mushi seon), then we need to be aware of both the body and the mind. When we are at rest, we tend to focus on the mind, but when we are in action such as in everyday life situations, it is important to remember both our body and our mind. Most of the time, we are aware of our body only when we take care of daily basic necessities such as brushing our teeth, grooming ourselves to get ready to leave our home, or when we feel hungry, exhausted, or tired. Sometimes, we might also have aches or pains, and that forces us to pay attention to our body more. For example, because I spend too much time working in front of a computer, I often feel back and shoulder aches. That reminds me to do some exercises and adopt a good posture when working, but when my pain is going away, that reminder is no longer there, and I often forget to look after my posture again. So, part of my timeless Zen practice in action is to try to have an awareness of my posture, to look after my body so that it stays healthy, which will also lead to a healthier mind.

Recently, there is something that I have experienced that reminded me again how much body and mind are connected. Because my work is very often ended such as writing articles and books or reading through thesis drafts and essays from students almost every day, it feels like my work never ends. I often can’t finish my work on time for the weekend or holiday, and therefore it has become a habit to do a lot of work at home and during a time when I should just give my body and mind some time to relax. And because we have had lockdown, I was now working from home every day, and there was no longer a clear signal for my body which environment means relaxation and which environment means work. In other words, my home started to feel like an office to me and no longer a place to rest. In addition to that, I was often reading the news about updates related to coronavirus, and I think the news have started to make me nervous. Even though I actually didn’t feel very nervous mentally, the anxiety was in my body. For most of the day, my heart rate was up and I felt uneasy.

After a while, I realised what I have done wrong. I was working unpredictable hours (often videoconference late in the evening), so my body did not have a clear signal when it was time to work and when it was time to rest. I also made the mistake of checking the news right before going to sleep, which didn’t give me a relaxed mind before sleeping. Because of time differences, a lot happens around the world when New Zealand is asleep, so when I wake up there are usually a lot of news reports. So, I was tempted to check news before I started my morning meditation. In other words, my body was often in a state of alert during the day and even around sleep time. Immediately after I woke up, the news made me nervous, which means that my morning meditation was also low quality because I had to calm myself down.

When I noticed my mistake, I quickly changed my habit back to giving morning meditation the top priority. Our bodies work through simple association. If we do something often, our body creates expectations and reacts accordingly. Around one hour before we normally wake up, our body excretes a stress hormone that makes us get ready for the day. This is often based on expectation. So, for example, when we have an important event for which we must not sleep in, our body often wakes up even before the alarm clock. And this is maybe what was happening to me. My body got used to getting nervous in the morning, and then made me wake up feeling stressed from the beginning of the day. That is why it is important to make meditation the top priority. I am now again teaching my body that the first thing in the morning is dedicated to a clear mind and a relaxed state of the body. And after a busy day, I try to calm myself down before sleeping to tell my body that it is time to rest. For me, this is part of my timeless Zen practice – remembering when it is time to rest and when to be in action.



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